Don't Let Me Go
by Loki'sArmy0602
Summary: He was moving on with his life. Moving on with his apartment, moving on with relationships... especially moving on from their almost love. She was happy for them, she was. So why couldn't she stop thinking about how it would have been different if he was with her and not...Sharon.
1. Chapter 1

She was happy. She was. The smile on her face maybe fake but she truly was. For them, she was happy.

Or that's what she told herself.

Forcing herself to believe something that she knew deep down caused her pain. Not physical or even mental. It was something in her heart. Like it had been ripped apart, torn into too many little pieces that would never be able to be stitch back together, no matter how much cotton or time she had. She knew nothing would fix that feeling she had deep down, so the best way to cope with pain, in her mind, was to bury it deep and ignore it. Never to have the light shone on it again.

The fake smile hurt her cheeks but she continued on, not letting the pain get to her. She was sure Natasha noticed, the redhead just knew her. Natasha could read her like a book, which no-one else could. It explained one of the reason's why Nat was her best friend.

Maria took a deep breath. In through the nose and out through the mouth as she watched on. Natasha came up behind her and leant onto the bar, facing the group.

"Here," Natasha said, handing Maria the glass of scotch she had poured for herself but knew the ex-deputy director needed it more. Maria took it without thinking, downing the drink like it was water. The burning sensation numbing her aching heart. Natasha grabbed the bottle and poured Maria another drink before taking a glass from the shelf for herself. The amber liquid swirled to rest at the bottom of the glass. Maria took a sip of the finest scotch Stark had before looking down at the table, the fake smile disappearing from her face. She drew herself in, her emotions locked up in a cage with the key thrown away.

The couple stood happy in front of the group, his arm around her waist like the gentleman he always was.

She tried to remember how it had come to this. How it was her fault she had pushed him away from her and into someone else's arms. It was her- no it wasn't her fault, Maria snapped at herself.

Steve's choice.

She's happy for him. That he had finally found someone. The nurse. Natasha said she was nice, how she had mentioned Sharon to Steve. Maria didn't blame Natasha, it wasn't her fault. The redhead was just trying to find Steve someone. She wished that someone had been her, but she was too messed up for someone like Steve.  
He was a soldier, Captain America for god's sake. He deserves someone good, someone like Sharon.

"Look Maria-" Natasha began but Maria held up a hand to stop her. She took another sip of her scotch before deciding to down the rest of it. She then pushed up from the bar and moved to grab her leather jacket from the coat rack.

Her actions paused when she saw Steve's coat. The brown leather jacket. It hung right next to her black one. The memory of being on the balcony with him, how his hands had paused on her shoulders. They came rushing back like a wave rushing across the dry sand. It felt like a punch in the stomach, winding her and causing her breath to catch.  
She shock her head slightly before grabbing her coat and roughly pulling it on. She checked her phone was in her jeans pocket before walking towards the elevator. Jarvis had it there, waiting for her, the doors opening silently to not get anyone's attention. Maria slipped out of the party without anyone noticing, except for Natasha who sighed and then downed her drink as the elevator doors shut.

Maria decided to walk home that night, the cool summer breeze weaving in between the skyscrapers to blow back her fringe and push back the tear that fell down her cheek. She sucked in a deep breath, the smell of alcohol strong in the air from the corner bar.

She pulled herself away from the thought of getting drunk and taking some random guy home with her for the night. The thought of waking up with some stranger in her bed didn't really pull her in. So she pushed on, walking another block without thinking about him.

However he managed to force his way into her mind as a stag do came rolling by, the man of the hour dressed as Captain America. She paused at the traffic lights, watching the men on the other side of the street laugh and chant as they went into the next bar, the night still young for them.

The little man flickered to green and Maria cross the road silently, a few other people walking with her. They split and Maria took the shortcut through the alley. She came out to her street and walked across the road, no cars driving down at this time of night, the dark sky having drawn people in for sleep.

She made her way to her building, pulling herself up the five steps to the doors. She sighed as she entered the code. The door clicked with a buzz and she stepped inside, the door shutting behind her.

She pressed her back against the cool glass, her mind racing with thoughts. Thoughts she wished wouldn't come to her.  
She was happy for them. Of course she was. Steve had found someone he liked, possible loved and she was happy for him.  
Did he love Sharon? Possibly, why wouldn't he?

She ran a hand through her lose hair before pushing off the door and heading for the stairs to face the challenge of climbing six flights to her apartment, while tipsy.  
She remembered doing this drunk one night with Natasha, both of them laughing as the stairs moved. It was a good night, Clint had followed them up, slightly tipsy but making sure that Maria or Nat didn't fall backwards. The elevator had broken since she had moved in and had never been fixed. She didn't mind, she enjoyed the exercise... Maybe not when she was drunk though.

She managed to get there, unlock and then lock her door before she fell face first onto her bed, too tired to change. She kicked off her shoes and socks, pulling her jacket off before rolling to pull the covers over herself.

Half an hour later Maria angrily threw the covers back and made her way to the kitchen, the bottle of wine calling her name from the wine stand. She sat down on her sofa, staring at the blank TV while she drank.

The familiar sound of her phone buzzing in her pocket pulled her away from her thoughts.

Steve.

It was his ringtone after all, "america fuck yeah" sang loudly into the apartment. She hated the fact that Stark had given everyone a personally ringtone on her phone, yet she was busy to change them. Maybe too lazy.

"What do you want?" Maria answered, coming off a little too annoyed, which she was but didn't want him to know. She took a deep breath before taking a gulp of wine.  
"Sorry, did I wake you?" Steve asked, concern laced in his voice.

"No, I was watching TV," Maria easily lied.

"Well, I called to see if you got home safe. I didn't see you leave," Steve said.

"I didn't want to draw attention," Maria said. "Congratulations by the way," Maria said, trying to change the subject away from her. Steve smiled.

"It's early days still but we decided to tell everyone we were going out," Steve told her.

"I'm happy for you Rogers," Maria said, using his last name to put the professional barrier between them.

"Really?" Steve asked, sounding too surprised at her words. She frowned, even more questions coming to mind. Why was he surprised? Did he think she was going to be upset about it?

"Yeah. I'm glad you've found someone," Maria said even though the wine told her she wasn't. "I'm going to go get some sleep, see you soon," Maria said and hung up the phone before he could even say bye. She took another gulp, hugging the wine bottle, keeping it close to her chest. She wasn't a heavy drinker, only drinking when out with Nat and Clint or when she needed it. And right now, she needed it.

Her experience with alcohol was a bumpy one. The last time she had got drunk was three months ago. Her past with her father always forcing her away from any heavy drinking, yet tonight the alcohol soothed her emotions.

She was happy for them, honestly.

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	2. Chapter 2

Steve pulled the phone away from his ear after Maria had suddenly ended the call on him. He looked down at the caller ID, a picture of her on the screen. She had pulled a fake smile just so Steve could take a picture of her and assign it to her number.

It was a couple of months back, when Steve had given her his jacket one night, to keep her warm from the cold night of New York. He remembered it like it was only yesterday. How his hands had paused on her shoulders, how her hair smelt like the meadows as the wind blew the sent his way. How she had looked so perfect as the moonlight shone down on her.

He locked his phone and sighed, relaxing into the back of the sofa in his apartment, Sharon fast asleep in the bedroom.

He had been with her secretly for three weeks and things were going well, really well in fact. Too well. But Steve couldn't help think about how there was something missing between them. That connection you should have with someone when in a relationship. It wasn't there between them. It wasn't her fault that Steve didn't feel it. Things were fine, for now anyway. But he knew it wouldn't last.

The next morning, the smell of bacon wafting in through the opened door woke him up. He stumbled tiredly into the kitchen to see Sharon cooking breakfast. He smiled at her when she looked up at him causing her to smile back.

"I know you didn't want to tell anyone this soon, but it felt right," Sharon said and Steve nodded with a hum. "What's a matter?" Sharon asked.

"What? Oh erm... Nothing," Steve said, shaking his head slightly. "Just tired." Sharon then laughed lightly.

"Has anyone told you you're a rubbish liar Steve," Sharon said before she stopped cooking to turn to face him.

Maria had, that night on the balcony at avengers towers. She laughed at him as he had smirked at her comment.

"You sure you don't want to talk about whatever is a matter?" She asked and Steve shook his head, shaking the memories of Maria away.

"There's nothing to talk about," Steve smiled. "This smells delicious by the way," Steve said, quickly changing the subject.

"Good, I got up early to specially make it for you," Sharon told him with a smile before kissing him gently on the lips. "I've got to go to work," she told him before pulling away and moving to the bedroom to collect her things.

Steve sighed, running a hand through his thick blonde hair. He closed his eyes and rubbed his face.

He was in such a mess.

The next morning came too soon, Maria pulled her eyes open to the harshness that was the sun. It shone in from the windows where Maria had forgotten to shut the curtains last night. Specs of dust danced in the sunlight, enjoying the warmth the sun provided.

However Maria didn't enjoy it, the morning having brought a hangover with it. She didn't realise how much she had drunk until she turned her head to look at the three quarters empty wine bottle, the sun reflecting off it's smooth surface.

She then took a deep breath before pulling herself up to sit on the edge of the sofa, pushing down the feeling of sick that threaten to come up. She picked up her phone up from the coffee table and checked the time.

"Shit," Maria said and then flinched having said it a little too loud for her hangover.

She was up and out in fifteen minutes, drugged up on hangover tablets and coffee, pulling along a banging headache.

She got to the Avengers Facility in upstate New York half an hour later, her assistant jumping to stand as she came walking over.

"I was wondering where you had gotten to," Harrison said, a pleasant smile appearing on his lips. "I had to get you a new coffee every fifteen minutes. I was going to send a search party," he said, holding out the strong coffee to her. She hummed a thanks as he followed her into her office.

"You got a call from Pepper wanting to arrange lunch. Another from Stark asking you about the FG248 files. Plus you have a meeting with congress at two and a meeting with Fury at five. Oh and Wanda wanted to know about something to do with the Tahiti program?" which Maria groaned at. She sat down at her desk, spinning slightly on the chair.

"Cancel the meeting with congress, arrange for next Tuesday at ten, god knows how long it's going to take. Tell Stark I'm on it, I just need a couple more days to figure a few things out. Tell Pepper I'm sorry but I can't make lunch maybe tomorrow and tell Fury I'll be there. I'll call Wanda now," Maria said and Harrison nodded, jotting a few things down on his tablet.

"Crazy night?" He asked, keeping his eyes fixed on the tablet but raising an brown eyebrow.

"Something like that," Maria said, giving him the queue to leave and he did.

She picked up the coffee, the warmth of it heating up her hands as she cupped it. She took a sip before relaxing back into her chair.

She pressed a button on her desk to black out the windows, the light too harsh on her eyes.

She took a deep breath, through the nose and out through the mouth. It calmed her, allowing her to push through the rest of the day without thinking, without pause.

The knock at the door startled her, making her look up from her work.

"Maria, it's seven o'clock," Nat told her and she glanced up at the clock on the wall. So it was.

"You skipped lunch didn't you," Nat rather stated than asked.

"Why do you ask if you know the answer?" Maria questioned, looking back down at the work.

Nat rolled her eyes before walking towards Maria and grabbing her tablet.

"What are you doing?" Maria asked her.

"I'm forcing you to stop working," Nat said.

"Come out with the group on Saturday, get you out of your apartment and away from work," the red head said.

"I'd rather not," Maria said. She wanted to ordered takeout on Saturday and watch the cheesiest chick flick she could find. The last thing she wanted to do was go out, even if it was going to be good for her.

"It wasn't an offer," Natasha warned her and Maria gave her a look.

"And that won't work on me either. It may work on everyone else but not me. I'll be at your's at eight o'clock on Saturday and don't be late," Natasha warned before leaving and Maria rubbed her forehead.

The hangover headache having gone but now a stress headache had slowly made it's way to her.

"Harrison," Maria called out knowing he wouldn't have gone home yet since Maria hadn't.  
"Get Johnson to bring my car around," she told him once he had popped his head into her office.

"Right away Hill," he said before disappearing behind the door. She packed away her things before walking out of the facility and into her car to drive home.

* * *

 **So it's been a while since I've been on here. Sorry for the late update, I'm terrible at time keeping at the moment...**

 **Anyway, thank you for the reviews, please tell me what you thought about this chapter.**


	3. Chapter 3

Maria and Natasha entered the bar, the red head dragging Maria to the VIP section with a smile on her face. The group all smiled and welcomed them as they sat down.

Maria somehow got pushed to sit on the edge of the circle sofa next to Steve, Sharon on his other side.

"Hi," Steve said.

"Hi," Maria replied.

"I'm surprised Nat got you out Hill," Tony said from opposite her with a smirk tugging on his lips.

"Well Natasha's a forceful woman," Maria said.

"Yeah she is," Tony commented.

"No," Natasha warned and Tony shrugged, pulling Pepper closer towards him.

"I'm going to get a drink," Maria said, quickly standing up and leaving the group to their chatter.

She made her way to the bar and ordered a scotch, neat. She rested against the bar, waiting, when she felt a hand slip around her waist. About the turn around and punch the guy behind her the familiar voice stopped her.

"Hey Mar, long time no see," the voice behind her said. She slowly turned her head to look at him.

"Charlie?" She asked before pulling him into a hug. "How have you been?" Maria asked him, a smile forming on her lips.

"I've been good, you?" Charlie asked.

"Good too," Maria lied and Charlie scoffed.

"Well that's a lie," he commented. "Let me buy you a drink," he offered and Maria shook her head.

"I've already paid but you can get the next one," she said and Charlie raised an eyebrow.

"So you're going to allow me to stick around?" He asked, a playful smirk on his lips. Maria rolled her eyes before turning to grab her scotch.

"Let's go catch up," Charlie said, grabbing a beer and leading her to a sofa in the corner of the room, opposite where the group of Avengers sat.

"So, honestly, how have you been? The last time I saw you was when..." Charlie wondered off.

"When we broke up," Maria finished.

She had done it.

It was when they were both eighteen, she was off to join the marine corps, leaving him behind. She had to admit they had been long time friends before they got together, him being her first and last real relationship. They were just too much for her to handle in her busy life.

"I'm good," Maria told him. "Honestly," she added and Charlie nodded.

"Ok, ok," Charlie said, "I just want to make sure, I hate seeing you hurt Mar," he said and Maria nodded.

"I know," she commented before taking a sip of her drink. Charlie placed an arm up on the back of the sofa so it came to touch Maria's shoulder.

"After everything we've been through you know you can trust me," Charlie said and Maria nodded.

Memories for their year together rushed back, hitting her like an ocean wave. She remembered him sneaking her out of her house after her father had had a little too much to drink and got carried away with his beating that night. How he had cared for her too much, making her feel trapped. She wasn't good at relationships. She hadn't been around any that had lasted.

Steve glanced up from looking at his beer and into the crowd. He spotted Maria in seconds. Something about her shone through, catching his eye every time. It was like the sun radiated from her, catching Steve's breath each time he looked at her.

He was happy, he forced himself to think as Sharon's laughter rang in his ears, Stark grinning from ear to ear. Steve's eyes however didn't tear away from Maria as he watched her laughed slightly, placing her hand on a man's leg she was sat with.  
Something in him, something deep down, suddenly erupted from him. His heart beating faster and his mind rushing.

Who was that guy?

Jealously was just one of the emotions that swirled around within him.

He forced his eyes to look away, reminding himself that she was free to be with whoever she chooses. Just like he had done.

Looking to his right at Sharon, he regretted his actions. He had asked her out. He had been the one to make a move to then realise he didn't mean to. The pain he is going to cause her when she realises he doesn't love her, not truly love her. Loves her as a friend, the way he loves Natasha. But there was nothing more. Not like the feelings that were growing for Maria.

He took a deep breath, lowering his eyes from Sharon back to his beer. The liquid warming as he held the bottle tightly, his heat radiating to the beer.

Maria laughed at Charlie's comment, a hand landing innocently on his thigh. She wasn't looking for anything tonight, didn't want to restart a relationship that she knew was bound to end again. She slowly removed her hand to not cause any tension.

"Anyway, were you working now after S.H.I.E.L.D blew up?" Charlie asked, remembering the news last year.

"Technical it didn't blow up and I'm working at a world security company," Maria told him, lying only slightly. She was working in keeping world security... Just with the Avengers as well.

"Check you out," Charlie smirked and Maria rolled her eyes.

"What about you?" Maria asked him.

"I passed the bar two months ago."

"You're a lawyer?" Maria asked a little shocked.

"Yep, so if you ever murder someone just call me up," Charlie joked.

"Is that a way of giving me your number?" Maria asked him and he smirked.

"Only if you want it," he said. Maria glanced up at the group of avengers seeing them laugh, Sharon's arm around Steve's waist.

She turned back to look at Charlie.

Maria knew it was a mistake. Knew that in the morning she would regret it, badly. She knew hooking up with an ex was always a bad idea. She didn't know if it was the booze, the emotions that had been building up through the week or the atmosphere of the bar but what she did next she regretted the second she did it.

However she didn't stop.

Charlie leaned forward and kissed her on the lips. Maria moved closer to him, fingers locking into his curly brown hair. He's hand slid up her thigh and to her waist.

"If I knew we end up doing this I would have brought mints," Charlie's said as they pulled apart.

"Mine or yours?" Maria questioned about who's breath smelt.

"Both," Charlie said nodding to the drinks.

"Come back to mine?" He asked.

"You don't have to ask me twice," she said before they slipped out from the couch and to the door.

Natasha noticed it. Out of the group she was the only one to notice it. The way Steve's eyes were transfixed on this one spot, the way his hand tightened around his beer bottle. She knew it was going to happen before he did.

The glass smashed and the beer went all over him and the sofa. Natasha quickly jumped up,

"I'll get another round. Steve," she said and he looked up at her. She gestured for him to come with her and he did.

They made their way to the bar in silence as Sharon and Clint cleaned but his mess. Natasha ordered the next round before turning to Steve. She punched him in the arm and he flinched.

"What was that for?" Steve asked, slightly offended.

"For being an idiot," Natasha said before punching him again.

"Ouch," Steve said, grabbing his arm and pulling away from her.

"And that was for Maria but she isn't here so," Nat explained. "You're both being stupid right now. You like her she likes you, yet you're both with the wrong people," Natasha said, glancing to where Maria and Charlie were walking out of the bar.

"You told me to ask Sharon out," Steve said, not actually meaning to blame Natasha but it sounded like he was.

"That was before I knew you liked Maria," Natasha defended herself. "If I had know I would have never suggested Sharon and told you to go after Maria. Sharon would be better with Sam," Natasha told him.

"Match maker Romanoff," Steve commented, rolling his eyes and leaning onto the bar. Natasha punched him again.

"That was for being a dick just then," she explained as Steve gave her a look.

"Sorry, language," Natasha teased.

"Look Natasha, I don't want to talk about it ok," Steve said, and thanked the bartender as he placed their order on the bar.

"Oh really, you clearly can't control your emotions," Nat said, commenting about the smashed beer bottle and his bleeding hand from where the glass had cut him.

"I'm fine," Steve said and Natasha rolled her eyes once more.

"I'll believe it when I see it," Nat said and grabbed three of the six beers they had ordered. "Just don't fuck thinks up Steve," she said before making her way back to the sofa's.  
Steve watched her sit down and hand the two other beers to Clint and Pepper. His eyes moved, landing onto Sharon, her hair flowing down her back. How her smile warmed his heart...

He had to get Maria off of his mind. Sharon was great, she was prefect for him.  
Yet the thought of Maria, taking the stranger home. How that man would get to touch her, get to run his hands through her brown hair, get to kiss her neck. How the stranger got to make her feel things he would probable never get to make her feel. How the guy got to make her moan and be out of breath underneath him.

Steve coughed before shifting slightly, a red blush crawling it's way up his neck and face. He had imagined himself doing those things to Maria but the thought of another guy doing it...

He clenched the beer bottles before walking back over to the table, wishing again that he could get drunk, maybe Thor still had some of the Asgardian alcohol back at the tower.

* * *

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